Men Talking Cancer Blog: David De Wilde
In Memoriam - Jason Manuge (1987-2024)
By David De Wilde
In the small European country Belgium, lives 40-year-old David De Wilde. David got his Master degree in “art history and archaeology” from the Free University of Brussels, where he met his wife Annelies, with whom he has two children. David is a sculptor, chess player and an avid recorder player. He was formerly a researcher, teacher and scientific author at his university. David started having serious health issues back in 2018. He has had multiple pelvic surgeries and was eventually diagnosed with a slow-progressive neurological disorder. On top of that David got diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2020. Short to say, David hit a rough patch…He finally found some much-needed support, on “the other side” of the Atlantic, in Man Up to Cancer’s Howling Place group. David is currently on disability, but he volunteers for Man up to Cancer as the chapter leader of the Transatlantic chapter and also as the editor of the “Men Talk Cancer” blog. Every now and then David picks up his own pen once again…
On Friday, April 5th of 2024, the Man Up to Cancer community lost one of its treasured members, Jason Manuge. Although I usually don’t bring my own content to the “Men Talk Cancer” blog, I usually stay on the editor side, for once I want to take the opportunity to share some of Jason's life and his lessons.
Jason Manuge, or simply ‘Nuge, was widely known on his social media and beyond as Cancer Canuck. Jason was a young adult cancer thriver living with stage IV colon cancer. He was always very open and outreaching throughout his blog and other social media. He shared his thoughts, perspectives, and some of the lessons he learned navigating an advanced cancer diagnosis.
Jason was special in the way that he always shared very authentically about how cancer impacted his life, the lives of the people he cared about, and others who’ve had to walk a similar difficult path.
I’m bringing you a revised blog by Jason himself. He wrote this text after attending Man Up to Cancer's first annual retreat, the Gathering of Wolves, in September of 2022. It is my hope that by re-reading this, you can feel some connection with this exceptional young man and his visions on life, health or sickness, and death.
I’m honored to bring this beautiful text as our “In Memoriam” to Jason.
By Jason Manuge
This past weekend, I had the privilege and honor of attending Man Up to Cancer‘s inaugural Gathering of Wolves. It was a sacred and special event for so many reasons, but being able to be a part of the first one is an experience that I will never forget.
The profound, transcendent effect this will have on my life will not be adequately communicated through words and pictures, but I’ll do my best to give a taste.
Trust and Vulnerability
So much of the event was centred around people sharing stories and talking about some of the hardest struggles (and funniest moments) we’ve undergone as a result of our diagnoses. This is, obviously, a very private and personal thing so I won’t betray the trust by sharing details. I will, however, be putting together some of the lessons that I learned from folks during those days.
Conversations went from the serious, heavy topics to the lighthearted and fun. But the degree to which we felt comfortable to share with each other was really touching and made the event something special.
Brotherhood
I truly feel like I understand what it’s like to share a revered kinship with a group of people. The closest paradigm I can think of would be a bond between people who’ve been through the shit together. First responders, soldiers, and the like are thrust into situations that only firsthand experience can understand. In that way, it’s not what’s said that makes the bonds strong. It’s what doesn’t need to be said.
There are three words that ultimately brought us together: “you have cancer.” And to be around those who’ve also heard those words is to have an inherent understanding. Through the
Gathering, I know that I’ve strengthened friendships that will last a lifetime and formed new ones that I will always hold close to my heart.
Perhaps like the bond of soldiers, there is also a somber reminder that some of these friendships may not last long. Cancer, like war, ends lives too soon. It’s a very real possibility that some of the men I’ve come to know and love may not be around for the next Gathering. That is why sharing the irreplaceable gift of time was really moving.
(See more below photo)
Jason Manuge
Tradition: The Challenge Coin
This inaugural Gathering became our chance to solidify some traditions that will be a part of future get-togethers. One of these traditions will be the gifting of a challenge coin at each event.
The challenge coin’s origins are rooted in military history. These coins have historically been used to show proof of membership in a particular unit, participation in an operation, or have been exchanged by members of different countries to symbolise camaraderie and loyalty.
The Gathering of Wolves challenge coin is a reminder of one of Man Up to Cancer’s key messages: Keep Fucking Going.
On social media, the hashtag #KFG is used by members of the group as an aide-memoire to inspire and connect with others that are having a hard time. We must remember to keep fucking going. Life is worth living. There are a lot of experiences to still be had, in spite of how difficult cancer can get. The challenge coin is a physical token of this message.
A Remembrance Ceremony
There is a famous, unattributed quote that reads: “They say you die twice. Once when you stop breathing and the second, a bit later on, when somebody mentions your name for the last time.”
The annual remembrance ceremony is our opportunity to speak the names of those who’ve died. It’s a way to honor them and, in a way, to immortalise them by keeping memories of them alive.
There are already members who’ve impacted me that are no longer living. Such is the way of groups that include people with terminal illness. I can say with certainty that this tradition will be one of the most important and sacred.
A life-changing experience
Without a doubt, this will be an event that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine that anyone who was able to attend would think differently.
Through great conversations that spanned the gamut of emotions, we reinforced the importance of camaraderie and brotherhood as we all navigate the hellscape of cancer.
These are the types of bonds that will withstand the test of time, help to lift and inspire others, and prove that men—when they allow themselves to be vulnerable—are stronger and better for it. Hence the Man Up to Cancer Motto: Open Heart. Warrior Spirit.
Whatever your current challenge or struggle, just remember to Keep Fucking Going.
Jason was able to grasp in words the true meaning of being a member of the Wolfpack: trust and brotherhood. In his writing he muses on the mortality of our friends and that, on the next meeting, a chair would be left empty.
This September, I will rejoice in seeing so many of my friends, but there will be an empty chair for those we have lost, and an empty chair where Jason used to sit. In our hearts we will always see those empty chairs, and we will take the time to cry for those we love and miss. And during our remembrance ceremony we will say Jason's name, while showing our emotions freely, because, as Jason says, we will be stronger and better for it.
Maybe Jason had a greater understanding of what such an empty chair really meant. He still teaches me how to move beyond the hurting of that emptiness. He shows us how we can fill those empty spaces in our heart with the warmth and richness of the fond memories we shared.
But above all, Jason always teaches us to Keep Fucking Going. Always open, always outright, honest to the core, even if the honesty was painful. But always empowering, always with love, great compassion and a relentless spirit and strength. That is how I will remember Jason.
And as I shed another tear, I will say the words I always say when one of our brothers has passed:
Fly high Jason, rest easy… we will take it from here, we will carry your banner and we will say your name.
