The Impact of a Parent’s Cancer on Their Child
We often talk about the impact cancer has on partners and caregivers, but rarely do we get the opportunity to hear firsthand about its effects on a child. That’s why we are both honored and excited to share a very special essay with you today.
Katelynn Herman, a high school junior, is the daughter of Eric Herman, a long standing North Carolina-based member of Man Up to Cancer. For her college coursework, Katelynn was inspired to share her story—one that offers a powerful perspective on resilience, love, and the reality of growing up with a parent battling cancer.
We asked her what inspired her to use this personal story for her college essay, here is what she shared:
“The reason I wrote this essay is because one day in class my teacher for my writing class had asked us to write anything we wanted for our final essay. There was so many things that flooded my mind, and I was unsure what I wanted to do. I had asked my dad for his opinion and he said to write about what it’s like to have colon cancer. I went to my mom and I explained to her I don’t know how I could do that because I don’t know how it is personally having it. She gave me the idea of writing it about a child’s Perspective of a parent battling cancer. Seeing how much my dad has grown and how much his faith towards God has grown. Encouraged me so much to build my relationship with the Lord, And shown me that even in the hardest times I can still get through it and be strong. I didn’t think I would be able to write it all down and so much came to my mind at the time. I didn’t know how to put it in one. I wrote it down in my journal and had put it into sections of how I could break it down that way I can help those who don’t understand what it is and how it can impact a kid. I decided to write how it was from my perspective and how it affected me. Before I turned it in, I let my mom read it to get her approval. I turned it in and had let my dad read it. I was so unsure if I had explained everything correctly or if it was wrong. Never what I thought writing my feelings into one would get this. Personally, my biggest advice For children whom have parents who recently got diagnosed with cancer is never take the moment you have with them for granted. Pray every day, And if you ever get stuck in your headspace, just know, God has it. Don’t let the negative thoughts get to you because that’s what I did at times and I hated it. The Lord has it under control, You just have to have hope.”
The Impact of a Parent’s Cancer on Their Child
Published & Shared with Permission
Author: Katelynn Herman
Many people hear how cancer can affect the person with the diagnosis, but I don’t think
many hear the perspective of a family member. Not even that but a child, with a parent that has
cancer. A parent is one of the closest people in some children’s life. I don’t think some realize
how much knowing your mom or dad has cancer can affect a kid, how much your mind wonders
not knowing what could happen.
Over the past several years my dad has been battling stage four colon cancer. His
diagnosis began in 2019 as stage three located inside of his colon, he had a surgical procedure to
remove the spot and went through chemo. However, six months later it ended up coming back as
stage four. This was due to it coming back outside of the colon and more than one tumor (it came
back in the abdomen wall and he had three tumors). Since then he has continued to battle stage
four by taking different times of intravenous and oral chemo treatments along with ten rounds of
radiation previously. Currently, as of 2024, he is taking a clinical trial which is an oral chemo.
Which requires two visits a month, as well as scans and other test runs within that period.
What is colon cancer? Colon cancer is another form of Colorectal Cancer which is,
“cancer that develops in the tissues of the colon or rectum” (Medline Plus). The colon is the first
and longest part of your large intestine, while the rectum is the first and longest part of your large
intestine. “Colon cancer typically affects older adults, though it can happen at any age. It usually
begins as small clumps of cells called polyps that form inside the colon. Polyps generally aren't
cancerous, but some can turn into colon cancers over time” (Mayo Clinic). It can be caused by
different mutations and variations however it is commonly caused by “when there are changes in
your genetic material (DNA)” (Medline Plus). In my dad’s family he had one of his cousins with
a similar form of cancer, which could be where he got it from hereditarily. Cancer is one of the
largest diseases diagnosed in the US. “In 2019, 142,462 cases of colon and rectum cancer were
reported: 75,581 among males and 66,881 among females. The incidence rate was 36 per
100,000 standard population, 42 per 100,000 males and 32 per 100,000 females” (United States
Cancer Statistics).
When I was younger I don't think I realized how much a disease could affect someone so
much, I was aware of what it was and things that were being done to help it. However, I did not
think of how it could mentally impact my dad. Now even though he doesn't talk to me much
about it I know it does, and I know there are days it gets to him more than others.
I don’t bring up the fact of him having cancer to many people, however, some close
people in my life know and when it is appropriate I have brought it up to make some aware of it.
“A cancer diagnosis turns everyone’s world into a tailspin. When a parent has cancer, it’s not
unusual for a child to feel upset, sad, confused, worried, or angry. Shock, fear, disbelief, and
numbness are just a few emotions a child may experience when learning a parent has cancer”
(Kesem).
Before my dad started his clinical trial my head would wonder more. I remember when
I first heard my dad got cancer, my heart sank. It was a feeling I hadn't felt before. Not knowing
what would or could happen also affected me a lot, no one knew what would happen or what
news we would get back each appointment. The unknown scared me. More than I wanted it too.
I have always been the person to think of the worst of a situation, and I hate to admit it but that is
all that my mind went to when he first got diagnosed and when it came back. It scared me.
Growing up I was always close with my dad. He has always been one of the biggest people I
look up to and still to this day I do. There would be days I would be at school and my parents
would be at the doctor's getting a scan or checkup done and I would be so worried and scared
something wasn't going the way it should. I did not feel like myself on those days. I would
worry, But I have never been the person to show my negative emotions in front of others,
especially in a public setting. So I would look as if I was fine, even though I knew my head was
spinning. Your thoughts consume you more than anything.
Another thing my dads battle with cancer has brought me closer to is my relationship
with the Lord. I remember there being nights where I would pray for the best results for my dad
the day before they went to the doctors or the night while they were there. I began going to
church more, reading my bible more, surrounding myself with a good choice of people. Not only
did this help my relationship religiously but I felt closer with my dad and it made me happy
knowing I was doing something my dad loved.
Now with my dad being in his clinical trial, I feel more reassured. Ever since he started it,
the majority of reports from doctors have been good, his numbers have tremendously decreased.
I can't even express how grateful I am for it. With cancer you never know the outcome or what
you're going to get back. You can only hope for the best. My dad is one of the strongest people I
know, and I am beyond proud of him for how far he has come along and how he is kicking
cancer's butt. He is one of my biggest inspirations to be honest. I have been with him to his
appointments sometimes. Currently for his appointments he goes to Duke Cancer Center in
Durham, it is connected with Duke University. My dad’s cancer journey is another reason why I
want to become a nurse when I am older. After being at Duke so many times it has become one
of my top options for where I want to go when I graduate. However I feel it would be cool to be
able to help others battling cancer and be able to be there to comfort those dealing with it. I'm
still unsure if that is what part I want to go in for. I still have time to decide thankfully.
Overall, From a child’s perspective, I think having a parent with cancer can emotionally
impact you a lot. It can become very difficult at times. One day going from everything being
normal to knowing someone you love has cancer. You're left with not knowing what could
happen, which can become very scary at times. I think over time I have realized that the best
thing I can do is pray for the best, and make the most of every moment. Seeing the struggles you
face with cancer has shown me that even when you're dealing with difficulties you can still
accomplish things and make the most of moments even if it takes time. My dad still makes time
for everything and still does his best even if he has to sit down at times to take a moment. Which
proves to me how strong he is as a person and I am beyond proud of him for that. He continues
to fight daily and do the best he can. Which is more than enough.
Published & Shared with Permission
Author: Katelynn Herman
References:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024, May 29). Colorectal cancer incidence.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
https://www.cdc.gov/united-states-cancer-statistics/publications/colorectal-cancer.
html#:~:text=What%20to%20know,and%2032%20per%20100%2C000%20femal
es.
Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2023, July 27). Colon cancer. Mayo
Clinic.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/colon-cancer/symptoms-causes/s
yc-20353669
U.S. National Library of Medicine. (2024, March 5). Colorectal cancer | colon cancer | rectal
cancer. MedlinePlus. https://medlineplus.gov/colorectalcancer.html
When a parent has cancer: The emotional and psychosocial impact. Kesem.org. (n.d.).
https://www.kesem.org/post/when-a-parent-has-cancer-the-emotional-and-psycho
social-impact