JWT - Volume XI
Joe’s Wolfpack Trailblazers
February 2021
Who Has LOVED you through your cancer?
Contributions from members of Man Up to Cancer’s Howling Place group:
Ryan Switzer, Scott Clark, Jason Randall, Don Helgeson, Joe Bullock.
Ryan Switzer and family
RYAN SWITZER
CARY, NORTH CAROLINA
STAGE 3 COLORECTAL CANCER
Who didn’t love me through cancer?!
Cancer sucks for all of us period. However, it sucks a lot less when you allow those surrounding you to share their love with you. After the initial “I am going to die” shock, I quickly realized the importance of love and support provided by those around me.
Without a doubt, my wife whom I already loved deeply, became my greatest hero. When she said, “In sickness and in health”, I am sure she never imagined giving me a sponge bath, changing my diaper, packing my open wounds, or changing my Ileostomy bag full of shit while I lay in bed. But she never complained once and was there by my side every step of the way. She came to every appointment, ensured I ate right, and when I needed a BIG kick in the ass to get out of bed and keep moving forward, she provided the toughest love possible.
I know I would not be here today without her love, support, and encouragement. She pushed me to let others in, and share their love with me, which was extremely difficult for me to “open up” and accept help and love from others. I had always been a lone wolf and felt I was weak if I accepted help from others, even including her. Boy was I firkin’ WRONG!
As our 6-year-old youngest daughter Emerson told me, “No matter what, love is by your side with her best friend hope!”
Ryan Switzer #KFG
Scott Clark
SCOTT CLARK
SOUTH BEND, INDIANA
STAGE 3 COLORECTAL CANCER
The person who loves me and has stuck with me has been my wife. Not saying that the rest of my family hasn’t been behind me, just that my wife lives everyday with me. She has been my rock and lighthouse since this trip started.
She has held me up and pulled me up when I hit the low spots and has been the first to enjoy the good news.
It goes without saying that the Howling Place group and Zoom meetings and the love and support of the Wolf Pack has been a great comfort to me.
Scott
(Note from Joe Bullock: Scott is our most active member of The Howling Place group. His daily morning posts about the weather report is a favorite in the group. He always posts many encouraging memes to spur us all on. His wife has used her creative talents and donated a quilt she made to be auctioned off for our Pup Pack fundraiser last year. Thank you Scott and Janice Clark for how you love and care for the men of the Wolfpack.)
Jason and Tellena Randall
JASON RANDALL
EUDORA, KANSAS
STAGE 4 COLORECTAL CANCER
While many people have loved me throughout my cancer experience, there is one person that stands out more than anyone else during this experience that was forced upon us. My wife Tellena has been a Rockstar and the best caregiver I could have ever asked for. She really goes above and beyond since I was diagnosed in July 2018.
Life was already stressful with two young kids and my wife being six months pregnant with our third at the time of my diagnosis, but she was somehow able to hold it all together and still help me when I couldn't help myself.
The strain of cancer can easily break a relationship or strain it to the max, especially with three kids thrown in the mix, and through some pretty serious times we have grown closer than ever and value what we have even more than before. She is by far the strongest woman I know (both of our sons were born at home!), and she makes me a better person in every way <3
Don and Lisa Helgeson
DON HELGESON
NANAIMO, BC, CANADA
PROSTATE CANCER
December 9, 2020, is a day I will never forget. I was waiting at home for a phone call from my urologist with the results from my prostate biopsy. My wife Lisa surprised me and took the day off work to be home with me. Regardless of what the news would be, she knew she had to be there for me. Unfortunately the news wasn’t good. I had aggressive prostate cancer and surgery was scheduled for January 2021.
Immediately after December 9, 2020, when things got real, Lisa convinced her employer to allow her to work from home until my surgery date, to decrease the risk of contracting COVID-19 and potentially delaying my surgery. On the day before surgery, she took an entire month off work to help me convalesce.
As it turned out, my pathology report after surgery showed that my cancer was extremely aggressive and that delaying surgery would have put me at great risk. I am beyond thankful that Lisa kept me safe by staying home.
Our relationship has never been stronger and my cancer diagnosis has confirmed that I have the most amazing woman my my side. In my darkest moments, she knew exactly what to say, what to do and how to comfort me.
Joe and Michelle Bullock
JOE BULLOCK
DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA
STAGE 3B COLORECTAL CANCER
When I was diagnosed with stage 3B colorectal cancer, I assumed my caregiver would be my wife. She is a registered nurse by profession and the love of my life, so it was a no brainer who would fill that position. We had gotten married for better or for worse, and I knew she would gladly accept this position in our life. I would of course do the same for her if the roles were reversed.
One day I had been feeling pretty down about my diagnosis and I texted her to tell her I was sorry for putting us through this right now. She replied back, 'I would walk to the ends of the earth for you. This is not your fault and I love you. We will get through this together.' I knew from that point no matter what happens to me, we would be alright. Although, my wife would tell you I was her worst patient ever and I would have to agree with her.
I knew being a caregiver can be exhausting when it is put on a single person. I watched my own sister go through a lot of emotional and physical turmoil caring for our elderly parents. I helped her when I could, but ultimately they just wanted her to help them no matter how much I offered.
That was a lot to put on a single person. After our parents died, the losses sent my sister into her own struggle with depression. In just six months after my mom's passing I had to tell my sister I had cancer. She understood the role of a caregiver and accepted being one of mine. I think in some way it pulled her out of her own struggle with depression.
A month after I was diagnosed with cancer, my wife and I sat down with a cancer therapist. We discussed how things were going and how cancer was affecting our relationship. My wife shared about the burden of being a caregiver and that I really needed someone else to talk to about my struggles with cancer. She could not be the only person I shared these struggles with.
When she said this to my therapist, I felt a bit thrown under the bus. Ultimately, I had to set my ego aside and try to understand her feelings. She was doing her best to comfort me during this time. She was not only continuing to work fulltime as a nurse and taking care of our family, but also had to keep up with my cancer treatments and make sure I had everything I needed to battle this horrible disease.
This was a lot to ask of one person, and can ultimately break up the best of marriages. I have witnessed this a couple times in my cancer journey. I knew I had to do what I could do to protect my marriage and I could not let cancer steal that away. My therapist ended our session that day by asking me one question: Who do you consider your caregivers in your cancer journey? She wanted me to think about that for a few days and when we meet again she would like me to have at least three people I consider my caregivers.
I have found that I have multiple caregivers who have loved me through my cancer. I consider myself blessed because for a lot of cancer patients, finding even one caregiver can be difficult. Men tend to self isolate during cancer and I for one did much of that in the beginning of my diagnosis. My therapist encouraged me to join a local cancer support group. She also encouraged me to continue to have sessions with her for a while to open myself up to getting help. I spent the next few days considering whom those three caregivers might be in my life.
The first one of course was my beautiful bride of 27 years, Michelle Bullock. She lovingly watched over me and took care of my every need in my cancer journey. She has been there for me through all of it and continues to support me everyday. The second caregiver on my list was my baby sister I mentioned earlier, Lisa Bullock. She is a nurse herself and totally understands what I was going through during my cancer treatments. It's always good to appoint that one family member to keep everyone informed so you don't have to constantly answer that annoying question... How are you doing? Lisa has always been there to encourage me and lift me up. As for the third caregiver on my list, it is my wonderful friend and coworker Kathy Winslow. One thing she taught me was to stop apologizing about my cancer. I seemed to do that a lot at work and she was not having it. On my worst days at work she always made sure I was all right, and gave me a swift kick in the butt when I needed it. She also taught me it was OK to admit when I was hurting and it wasn't a sign of weakness. She was much more than a friend but a sister to me in every way. Knowing I had these three incredible women in my life supporting and encouraging me in my cancer journey left been very humbled. I was grateful to my therapist for showing me this during our sessions. It made me even more confident as a cancer patient.
In your search for caregivers, sometimes you may find them in the most unsuspecting places. I have a cousin and neighbor, Rory Meacham, who mowed my grass and cared for my lawn. He did this all during my colon cancer surgery recovery and chemotherapy treatments. It was a great burden off my shoulders, and one I had not prepared for at all. He just gave me a wave to let me know he would take care of it. He did not even ask, he just saw the need and did it. I think that is a true mark of a caregiver. They just see a need and make it happen. I will always be grateful for what he did for me and my family during that time.
In my search of caregivers, as my therapist requested, I realized I had many in my life. I had friends and family that met many a need in my cancer journey. I realize that I was a blessed man in this life. In those dark days that cancer can bring, I found I had the love and support to get through each of them.
Another lesson I learned as a cancer patient was I needed to do a better job in putting the 'care' into my 'Caregivers'. I honestly felt that a few times I took that care that was given to me for granted and the people that were so freely giving it to me. I started to strive to live beyond my cancer to be a better husband, father, brother and friend. I think once I understood their role in my life it made me a better patient. I always let my caregivers know I cared for them. There were days I still needed help but I was also confident the help was there for me. I know I am a truly blessed man because I realize that some cancer patients struggle to get their basic needs met during their cancer treatments.
Today, I seem to be cancer free. I look for ways to be a caregiver. I reach out to cancer patients online to offer support, I go to my local cancer support group to offer hope, and I go to my local cancer center to sit with patients going through chemotherapy. I know that in our current state, many of those roles are changing, but I continue to look for ways to help. This is the one reason 'The Howling Place' at ' Man Up to Cancer' came to be. Giving men a place to support one another, avoid isolation, and talk freely about their cancer. I have taken on a new mantra in this life ' Cancer might be done with me but I am not done with Cancer'
I would like to thank Ryan Switzer, Scott Clark, Jason Randall, and Don Helgeson for sharing about the carepartners in their lives.