Joe Bullock.jpg — Joe’s Wolfpack Trailblazers

April 2021

This month, I’m excited to share just a few of the friendships that have formed between the men of The Howling Place group.

As survivors of cancer, sometimes we are the gatekeepers, until it's our time to walk through those gates. It's how we spend that time supporting each other in the fight that matters. I try not to allow the guilt of survivorship to prevent me from supporting others. I honor those who did that exact same thing for me when I was diagnosed and have since walked through those heavenly gates.

Thank you to Shawn Farrah, Wes Hensel, Scott Clark, Tracy Morgan, David Aryeh, Ben Yokel, Nikos V.J. Safos, Dan Immeker, and Brent Call for allowing me to share their stories and how they support each other in the fight with cancer.

— Joe Bullock, lead administrator, Man Up to Cancer - The Howling Place (Also known as The Wolfpack)

NIKOS V.J. SAFOS AND DAN IMMEKER

All things considered, I have had a pretty remarkable cancer journey. From the time I announced my diagnosis, I was flooded with support. Support from family, friends and strangers. So many people offered to help me in so many ways, from taking me to appointments, visiting me, and helping financially.

However, even with all this support I felt completely alone. I remember calling a friend of mine to tell him about the chemo. He said to me, “What do you want from me? Do you want me to listen? Do you want me to come with you? Do you just want to bitch to me?” He was by no means trying to be mean or dismissive. He wanted to be supportive but he did not know how.

The truth is, he could not do anything. He could not understand what I was going through, mentally, spiritually or physically. I really started to feel lonely. My wife didn’t get it, my parents didn’t get it and my friends didn’t get it. That is not their fault. The first time I felt any sort of comradery was when I met a new friend at chemo. I had a battle buddy, someone to get in the trenches with. I decided right then that I wanted to be a battle buddy for anyone that needed one. The wolf pack is great for this and I was on the hunt.

About a year and half after I was diagnosed I got a call from my old friend Dan. Dan and I have been friends now for about 16 years. We met at a group called Christian surfers and really just hit it off. We went to church together, surfed together, kicked it at the beach together. Eventually we became roommates. (Basically he let me live with him for free while I was finishing up college.) Dan met Jenny, they got married and kicked me out. I tried to talk them into letting me live with them but they would not let me share their time. Jenny turned into Yoko and broke up the band. Just kidding, I love Jenny and actually talk with her almost every day.

Okay, so again, about a year and half after I was diagnosed, Dan called me. I could tell he was upset, I could tell he had been crying. He was just diagnosed with Leukemia. I was shocked, I could not believe it. Dan is a beast, he runs triathlons and makes wise eating choices. What was already a deep friendship got a lot deeper. We have walked together in our cancer journeys. It has been amazing to have someone you trust to hear you cry, complain and just talk about treatments. We try to meet up weekly and talk about our journeys. We are both currently NED (no evidence of disease), which is awesome. We have encouraged each other during treatments, what to eat, how to exercise and how to have a better outlook.

We have reached out to other friends who have been diagnosed and tried to encourage them as well. Dan and another friend were actually with me after my scan results came in from my ablation. I was able to celebrate with someone who actually understood the anxiety and then the relief I had. We plan on continuing in using our experiences, in honoring God and helping other brothers and sisters on their cancer journeys.

The bottom line is this, we need to not only be willing to accept help from others, but also use our experiences to help others. Like I said at the beginning of this, I had a lot of support yet felt completely alone. I wish Dan did not have to get cancer, I wish his family did not have to go through that. That being said, his support and willingness to walk with me is of immeasurable value. I hope I was the same for him. This is not a disease we need to or should fight alone. My challenge to everyone is to find some cancer buddies. Life is messy; relationships are messy, so let us get dirty and fight this together.

SCOTT CLARK AND TRACY MORGAN

Through the Pack I have had the honor and privilege to meet Tracy Morgan.

We met when I won a quilt raffle that Tracy had to raise money for Zero Prostate cancer group. Tracy’s wife made the quilt. Now mind you my wife is a quilter so I just wanted one ticket for the contribution I made. We won it. We told Tracy that we would be going his direction in a couple of weeks and if it was alright we would stop by and pick it up. The quilt is currently on our guest bed.

Tracy and I stayed in touch through the Zoom meetings and DM.

When Wes Matteson went to Grand Rapids for a clinical trial, Tracy and I decided to go visit him. Tracy came here on Friday night and we went to Grand Rapids the next day. Had a good visit with Wes and Tori and Wes’s father.

SHAWN FARRAH AND WES HENSEL

When I was diagnosed with Stage III rectal cancer in December 2017, I felt like I had just been sucker punched. With my diagnosis came a whirlwind of appointments and scheduled treatments that was overwhelming. I was filled with anxiety and fear of the unknown and I really didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. My wife, Deana, was extremely supportive, but it was still hard for her to really understand what I was going through.

Luckily, through sharing our stories on Facebook on Blue Hope Nation, Wes Hensel and I figured out that we had similar diagnoses (Stage III rectal cancer) and we started messaging each other about our upcoming treatment. We were both getting ready to start chemo and radiation at the same time.

We quickly found out that we had the same sense of humor, talking about important topics such as whether radiation aimed at our rectums would give us some kind of superpower. Our wives (who also became friends) would hear us cracking up laughing and automatically knew who we were talking to. We were always there for each other when we hit a small bump in the road or some other major obstacle. Cancer treatment is more like a roller coaster ride than a straight line from start to finish.

We made it through chemo, radiation, Wes’s complicated colectomy, my cancer metastasizing to my liver and subsequent surgery, all the way to both of us reaching no evidence of disease. Then, in September 2019, one year and eight months after our first conversation, we finally got to meet in person at AllyCon2019 in Boston. Deana and I and Wes and his wife Susana hung out all week and had an amazing time. When I needed a friend the most and other friends faded into the background, I found Wes. This is a friendship for life forged during the toughest moments of our lives.

DAVID ARYEH AND BEN YOKEL

Through this group I have been able to “Facebook meet” many and have stayed in contact with a few. I was first diagnosed with stage 3a colon cancer mid-November. My cancer was discovered during a colonoscopy and was found in a 20 mm polyp at my sigmoid colon. It was suggested that I get a partial colon resection just to ensure that my CT scan and my CEA levels were accurate in that no cancer was present—that the cancer had fully been removed with the polypectomy. Unfortunately, we found that the cancer had reached 1/19 lymph nodes thus putting me in stage 3a.

Looking to connect with other individuals with similar diagnoses (colon cancer), I joined several support groups including Man Up to Cancer and Colontown. Ben Yokel had been in both groups and since I had seen his posts that were so supportive, I figured that he would be a good person to have on my support team.

I added Ben and of course he added me back. We both preferred talking on the phone and I feel that made this friendship feel less superficial. We exchanged stories and I found his journey to be incredibly inspiring. We eventually discovered we came from the same area (Duluth, MN) and soon ended up meeting.

To sum up who Ben is to me, he is a mentor, a father-like figure, a personal doctor, and a best friend. If there is one good thing that being diagnosed cancer has brought me, it is the connections with fellow warriors — people like Ben who push me to keep going and be optimistic. Love ya Ben and the rest of you warriors, bye.

JOE BULLOCK AND BRENT CALL

When I was diagnosed with stage 3b colorectal cancer in May of 2018, most of my male friendships had gone astray. I didn't have very deep relationships in general, especially with men. Because I was a teacher at the time my work relationships were basically with women.

I definitely had a great support system of women in my life at the time. Women are very good at nurturing and I felt that support immensely, especially from my wife and daughter. At the time I felt I just needed more male friendships that I could relate to in the help to battle cancer. There were questions like how to deal with cancer as a man, and how to be the same husband and father in the midst of it all.

I started going to a local support group at my cancer center. Most of the men, the few that were in the group, seemed pretty shell shocked because of their diagnosis. Even in my own case it took the therapist leading the group to call on me to get me to talk. It was honestly hard to talk about the turmoil cancer had caused inside me, let alone the pains of treatment.

At that point I started to reach out online a bit and searching in colon cancer groups on Facebook. I posted one day in one of the groups called Colontown and mentioned I was being treated at Duke Cancer Center in Durham, N.C. A member of that group, Brent Call, commented that he was being treated there as well. Brent is from West Union, S.C., about a five-hour drive to Duke. He would travel with his wife Valerie to Duke so we would visit with one another sometimes. Brent made it easy for me to talk about cancer. He has been in the battle much longer than me. In fact, not only is he a survivor of stage IV colorectal cancer, but also of childhood cancer.

Because of Brent’s experience with cancer he was able to put me at ease in my own battle. He encouraged me to seek out other friendships in cancerland and he introduced me to a few friends in various online support groups. He showed me that you can't battle cancer alone and to seek out those friendships as he had done in his own fight. I learned from Brent that one of my greatest resources in my fight was going to be my peers that are battling this disease. I will always be grateful to him for teaching me that aspect of my own cancer journey. Today, I encourage men to do the same, just as Brent taught me. I love you Brent , Keep slaying cancer my friend.

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