Men Talking Cancer Blog: Ben Yokel

Companionship to battle addiction

By Ben Yokel

Ben Yokel is a dermatologist from northern Minnesota. In mid 2014 he started noticing the first symptoms of what turned out to be metastatic colorectal cancer. He tells his story of how fear, anxiety and loneliness brought him to addiction, but also how brotherhood helped him take the necessary steps to get his life back on track.

Back in my teens and early twenties, I had some issues with binge drinking and drug use. That seemed far away as I was living a picture-perfect life in my early fifties: a successful dermatologist with a beautiful family and a lovely home in northern Minnesota. In mid 2014 I started experiencing abdominal pain and fatigue, and later some rectal bleeding as well. I decided to schedule myself for a colonoscopy.

That is when I got diagnosed with metastatic colorectal cancer. I was started on chemotherapy right away. During my treatment, my oncologist was super strict and insisted on zero alcohol use, and with my busy medical schedule I was able to comply. My real downfall started more than a year after my diagnosis, when my treatment and appointment schedule lightened up and I unexpectedly found myself in a place of extreme fear and loneliness.

And so the next five years became a blur of heavy drinking and some drug use, punctuated by a series of emotional and medical crises (vasculitis, a broken neck, a heart attack, bypass surgery, and a host of complications secondary to my cancer and cancer treatment).

By the fall of 2020, I was drinking and using around the clock, suffering frequent blackouts, and I had alienated most of my close friends and family. I was also experiencing frequent suicidal ideation. But fortunately for me, around that time, I was invited by my friends Joe and Trevor to join their new group “Man up to Cancer”.

I immediately loved this support community, a place where men could share their emotions honestly, openly, and confidentially without fear of judgement.

Through the close friendships I made and the conversations with other guys facing similar struggles, I was finally able to admit to myself that I was powerless over drugs and alcohol and that my life was spiralling out of control. So I started working on my path to recovery.

I know now that the biggest risk for me is isolation, as that leads to fear, anxiety and depression. But thanks to the support network I have as a result of MUTC and “The Howling Place” and my recovery fellowship, I will always have a helping hand to guide me out of those dark and lonely places.

Ben Yokel and family