JWT - Volume XXX
Joe’s Wolfpack Trailblazers
October 2022
When you spend two and a half years helping to build a platform encouraging men to avoid isolation in the face of cancer, it can make you feel a certain amount of responsibility. There is some anxiety that goes along with the idea of meeting those members in person.
As the lead administrator of Man Up to Cancer’s Howling Place group, I felt all of this going into the Gathering of Wolves event last month. In most facebook groups you don't actually get to know people so well, let alone meet them in person. That is especially true when you have spent years posting and commenting in this type of virtual group that men typically don't join or are not so open with in such a virtual setting.
You can very quickly feel connected to many of its members and bond emotionally with them. I had already felt that emotional connection to many of the men who were scheduled to attend the retreat that weekend. It was truly going to challenge the 'Open Heart' part of the mission of Man Up To Cancer for myself and the others attending the retreat.
Before the Gathering Of Wolves, I had arrived earlier that week in Buffalo, New York. I started to tear up a bit as I walked off the plane and entered the airport. I suddenly realized that all the work Trevor Maxwell and I had put into the group, since January of 2020, had led us to this point. Waiting for me outside the airport was one person I was definitely looking forward to meeting that week. When Michael Riehle got out of his truck that day you could tell I was meeting more than just a friend that day but a brother at heart.
It was this long awaited hug that was over a year in the making that set the tone for the weekend. We also finally got to have our lunch of chicken wings and beer at one of Michael's favorite places in town that we had talked about so many times during our group zoom meetings. I will always remember that time together with Michael. The coming weekend wasn't about our cancer but more about making memories for us and so many of the men coming to the event.
Adam Andrews and Joe Bullock
One member of the group that I unexpectedly met ahead of the event was Adam Andrews. Trevor had decided at the last minute that instead of us going with the rest of the welcoming committee to the campsite that Friday morning, we would head to the airport to meet Adam, Keith Hollingswoth, and Jason Randall. Trevor and I had the pleasure of greeting all of them at the airport. You could tell Jason and Adam had already bonded in an incredible way over the last few months and Keith had brought Adam a certain amount of comfort that day.
This is why Man Up To Cancer and The Howling Place exist, for brothers to support each other in the fight with cancer. This is what we all did for Adam that weekend because you could tell he was weakened by the battle he was in with stage IV colorectal cancer. The Wolfpack instantly surrounded Adam with the support and love he needed, led by our alpha wolf Trevor Maxwell. We understood the sacrifice Adam was making to be with us.
I had a couple of great chats with Adam. He talked about the love he had for his wife Sierra and their two daughters. I could tell how hard he was fighting to be with them. He said he came to the event to be around all the brothers he had grown to admire and respect from the group. At the night of the remembrance ceremony, Adam became our first official torch bearer and lit the flame of the campfire that night for all the brothers we had lost in the group from its beginning.
The name of each fallen brother of the group, all 130 of them, were remembered that night. Each member took a card with the names written on it, the names were spoken and then the card was released into the fire. I think it was consoling for everyone involved that night to 'Howl' someone's name in the defiance of cancer. Cancer will never take the love these brothers have for one another or crush the spirit of this incredible group. We will carry our brother's banners with us forever and remember them each year in the group this way.
Sadly, earlier this month, Adam 'won' his battle. He will always be known as the original torch bearer of the Gathering Of Wolves. Every time that flame is lit at the future gatherings, we will always think of our brother Adam.
This month's edition of 'Joe's Wolfpack Trailblazers' is the final part of a series of editions about the inaugural Gathering Of Wolves. This month, once again I get to share how a few of these members of the Howling Place were impacted by this event. Thank you to Jason Reiss, Don Helgeson and Brandon Martin for sharing their thoughts in this month's Trailblazer.
— Joe Bullock, lead administrator, Man Up to Cancer - The Howling Place (Also known as The Wolfpack)
Jason Reiss and Trevor Maxwell
Jason Reiss
Woodlyn, Pennsylvania
Stage IV rectal cancer
The last eleven months of my life since my diagnosis have been a study in how much stress one person can handle before buckling, and I’m so very thankful for my Wolfpack of brothers in
Man Up To Cancer. I don’t know if I would have made it to this point without them.
When the Gathering of Wolves was initially announced, I booked a hotel room immediately so that I could be there early. While I didn’t directly connect with many of the guys ahead of time other than commenting on Facebook posts and sharing some of our stories together during our bimonthly Zoom meetings, I had a feeling that it was something I’d regret if I didn’t take the opportunity to attend.
In hindsight, I think that decision could quite possibly be one of the smartest of my life. Since I returned home, I have spent many hours thinking about the family I met there. Note that I mentioned family and not friends. From the moment I arrived at Mike Riehle’s house on Thursday night, I recognized that my family was there. Even though I had never met any of these guys in person prior to that moment, I know that they are my family, now and forever.
The Gathering of Wolves began on Friday at Camp Duffield in Delavan, New York. While I believe it would be simple for me to run down a chronological order of events that occurred, I would be doing a disservice to my Wolfpack family members by doing so.
Things like the pineapple pizza eating challenge we forced upon Trevor Maxwell and Joe Bullock, and the US/Canada cornhole tournament. And food.. so much food.
But it wasn’t about the events, or even Camp Duffield.
Like so much of life, it was about the people. And the men who make up my family, my brotherhood… every one of them is an amazing human. Simply the finest men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.
The idea of sharing your innermost feelings with the people close to you can sometimes be daunting, and it is part of why so many men isolate during cancer treatment and beyond. Our subset of the population has been trained by society to “be strong” and “don’t cry” … but we’re human, too. We have emotions. And at the Gathering, many of us shared them in both private conversations with our new family members and also in a public setting with the whole family gathered together around the campfire.
Not once did I feel uncomfortable.
Instead.. I felt love. So much love, from so many different directions that it’s overpowering to think about 25 days later as I write this.
My new brother David De Wilde is one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. Despite having travel challenges that result from his wheelchair, he came all the way from Sint-Niklaas, Belgium—6,047 kilometers (3,757 miles) away! David speaks four languages and understands two more, and it was so interesting to sit and speak with him. To hear some of the differences between our cultures was enlightening. Before he arrived, he had never had waffles and bacon, or buffalo wings. But he got to experience those things and more because of us, his family, who welcomed him in with open arms and loved him all weekend long.
And my new Canadian brothers Jason Manuge, Jay Abramovitch, and Gary Puppa. Thanks for shacking up with me and sharing your brand of love from north of the border. I’m so glad we got to room together and have time to just chat about life and the other bullshit we deal with as patients. Same goes for Wes Hensel, Steven Barker, and Jason Randall. Your perspectives on life and treatment were helpful for me.
Mike Riehle and Trevor Maxwell. I’m not quite sure how I ever lived my life without the two of you. You bring new meaning to the word family for me. And the love we share for one another covers the distance between us with ease. Thanks for that.
keep coming back to that sentiment… love.
It’s hard for men to express that sentiment to other men. Sure, we say it. But to feel it.. to let it take over your mind, and let it flow to others who are also doing the same, who have been through some of the same shit you have been through over the course of an entire weekend together… That's a feeling that I just can’t put words to, even a month later.
There are many brothers who are in much worse physical shape than I am, brothers who have been through far more grueling treatments and surgeries than I’ve encountered so far. Some of who have been through the same things that are coming up for me on the path to wellness. None of them were hesitant to share their thoughts and feelings and ideas and suggestions for how to cope with life and recovery and the demon that is cancer. Many of them are far further along than I am; some are several years in, some have achieved the coveted No Evidence of Disease (NED) status, and others are still undergoing regular treatments and hoping for potential life-saving treatments or surgeries to become possible.
I’ve learned through the course of my treatment that people are going to show me love in different ways. For some, it’s a pat on the back, for others, it’s an offer to pay for a meal for my wife and I, for yet others it’s sharing their own stories of coping with their own cancer. For my brothers in the Man Up family, it’s endless support, kind words, open message boxes that are safe places to both give and receive love and help and advice, phone calls, and texts.
My brothers in Man Up to Cancer have made a massive impact on me and helped me to understand that even though there is so much that’s not yet understood about our illnesses, we’re going to be the ones who make the difference for the people behind us. It’s not about us.
It’s about them.
There’s a lot of uncertainty in dealing with a cancer diagnosis. One thing is certain for me, though. I’ll be there at the Gathering of Wolves in 2023 and for many years to come.
Fuck cancer.
Don Helgeson, left
Don Helgeson
Nanaimo, BC, Canada
Colorectal, prostate, and melanoma cancer survivor
The inaugural Gathering of Wolves (GOW) that took place from September 9-11 2022 at Camp Duffield just outside Buffalo, New York was one of the biggest life-changing events of my entire ife. Everything that took place that weekend still impacts me to this very day, but helping organize the gathering and working with the other organizers is something that has changed who I am as a person. I would like to give a perspective about the impact GOW has had on me as one of the organizers.
In March 2022, Trevor Maxwell approached me to help organize the biggest and baddest men’s only cancer retreat with two of the most amazing men I can honestly say I have ever had the pleasure of meeting; Danny Riggs and Michael Riehle. I had known Trevor Maxwell online for wo years at the time, and I had nothing but respect for him and his vision of Man Up to Cancer. He hadn’t finished asking me if I was interested in helping when I immediately blurted out “YES!”
Danny, Michael and I quickly hit it off and together we spent the next five months texting and video conferencing on Messenger while pouring our hearts and souls into what would become #GOW2022. We knew right from day one that we were going to make it into something magical. We planned everything from accommodations to meals and we did everything we possibly could to make sure each attendee had an experience that they would never forget.
Two days prior to the event, Michael Riehle and his wife Sara opened their home just outside of Buffalo to Joe Bullock, Trevor, Danny and I. We used their house and the famous Riehle Garage as a home-base while we completed the final touches for the event. As an added bonus, David De Wilde from Belgium also arrived in Buffalo two days early and he helped us with last minute tasks while also giving us history lessons about life in Belgium.
Those who attended GOW have heard my arrival story but I feel the need to share it for everyone else to hear as it set the tone of what was going to happen to me over the next five days.
Being from the city of Nanaimo on Vancouver Island in British Columbia, it took me 1 1/2 days to travel to Buffalo by sea and by air. Travel delays led to me arriving at the Riehle home at 3:15a.m. Michael and Sara left the lights on inside the garage and outside the front door for me as the house was situated on a rural property that was incredibly dark at that time of the night.
As I walked toward the front door from the taxi, I could see the familiar Buffalo Sabres/Labatts Blue Lite logos on the garage wall that are always the backdrop behind Michael during Howling Place Zoom meetings. It was also his backdrop during our planning sessions when we spoke together on Messenger video. This led to my emotions building up and tears forming as I approached the front door. Although I was 4,500 kilometres (2,800 miles) from my home, there was no place else I wanted to be at that exact moment. Nothing was going to stop me from seeing the people I held in such high regard.
I was greeted at the front door by Danny Riggs. Although we had never met in person before, we shared some tears and one of the biggest hugs I’ve ever had. I said to Danny: “I’m not going to say ‘nice to meet you’, instead I’m going to say ‘nice to see you’” as it was clear that we already knew each other so well. After a couple of minutes, he directed me to the basement at the bottom of the stairs where my air mattress was waiting for me directly beside Trevor Maxwell who was already in a deep sleep on his own air mattress.
More tears built up as I walked down these stairs and at that exact moment I really hoped that this legend of a man would wake up. As he snored, I said to myself almost incredulously “That’s Trevor Maxwell snoring!!”. He never woke up and I decided that it was probably a good thing to get a few hours of sleep so I could appreciate our eventual in-person reunion in the morning along with seeing Joe, Danny, Michael, David and Sara.
When I woke up at 7:15 a.m., I was greeted by everyone. Tears and laughter followed. And friendship. A friendship that was connected by cancer. Something none of us asked for, but something that filled our hearts that day. It was obvious that I was home. Yes, I was 100% at home. These men and Michael’s wife Sara really did pour their hearts and souls into making The Gathering of Wolves the most amazing experience. Together they taught me that it was okay to be vulnerable and to trust that what we were going to do that weekend was going to make a difference in so many men’s lives. 2023 cannot come quickly enough.
Brandon Martin
Brandon Martin
Thornton, Colorado
Stage IV colorectal cancer
I went to the GOW after Joe Bullock called me and invited me to attend. I had plane tickets 1 hour later. My thoughts going in were centered around meeting Trevor, Joe, Michael Riehle, Don Helgeson, and Danny Riggs in person for the first time. I was also excited that I was going to be able to visit with JJ Singleton and Wes Hensel again after meeting them in Denver earlier in the summer during the Colon Club Reunion Tour.
There was also a fear factor: was I going to melt into a puddle of goo at the feet of Trevor Maxwell and JJ Singleton when I saw them. Those two souls have a presence that is like a physical force field. Luckily, I maintained my composure and hugs ensued. Other than meeting these amazing men I had no agenda and was intent on meeting as many of the wolfpack members as possible. I devised a project for myself. Collect the names of all the attendees on my cloth MUTC ball cap. That project was a success.
Two events during the weekend caught me unprepared however. The first event was Friday night during the individual testimonials around the campfire after dark. One of the brothers spoke about a conversation that he and I had after I had just joined MUTC. This brother lives 20 miles from where I live. We called each other and talked about our journeys. During that conversation he spoke about how he was seriously considering leaving the wolfpack. There were two components to his decision, the loss of close friends that he had made there and a feeling that his NED diagnosis was giving him survivor guilt.
During the campfire testimonial he talked about our conversation and how I convinced him that he had a lot to offer to the wolfpack and that he should stay involved. He decided to do just that. Until that event I had NO IDEA that first phone call was so impactful to him.
The second event that caught me unprepared was Saturday night's remembrance campfire name reading. A week prior to GOW, Joe Bullock had posted a poem that he suggested might be read during the remembrance event. I immediately sent Joe a message volunteering to read the poem. I never got a response back about my offer and assumed that there were other plans in place for that event.
Saturday night as I approached the campfire for the event, Joe Bullock stopped me and handed me a print out of the poem and asked if I was still willing to read it. I said YES. Most every brother at the event knew at least one of the brothers whose name was going to be read. I did not know any of those warriors so thought that reading the poem would be a respectful way to participate. The poem was very poignant and appropriate to end the event. What I was not expecting was how emotional reading that poem, after 120 names of brothers and 6 names of wolfpack pup kids were spoken, would be for me.
Since GOW I have befriended several brothers that I met there. I also have a much deeper sense of community acceptance. The efforts of the planning committee has inspired me to become more involved with local wolfpack brothers. I have several little projects in progress now. I am looking forward to GOW 2023. I will have to come up with a new project, for the event, since my hat name collection idea is going to be cloned by attending members!
This is the poem that Brandon read during the remembrance ceremony at the Gathering Of Wolves event. It was written by Sirius Rising
A Wolf Has Died
A wolf has died
He lays there still
The moon just looks down
Like it always will
A wolf has died
Hear his pack howl
Upward at the blue moon
Hopelessly shining down
A wolf is gone
His life has passed
Now the pack moves on
But the moon stands fast