JWT - Volume XXXIII
Joe’s Wolfpack Trailblazers
February 2023
I remember the morning of my colonoscopy like it was yesterday, not five years ago. My wife Michelle and I drove to my GI Doctors office that day for my procedure. I knew the signs were there that I probably had some form of GI cancer. I had Googled enough in the days before the procedure and I knew it was probably going to be true because of the symptoms I had been having for months. I had complained enough to her about the abdominal pains I was having and she pushed me to finally get screened. For that reason alone I would owe my life to her because a lot of men ignore these symptoms. I just didn’t know how to tell or prepare her for what was about to happen to us or our family.
When I first met my wife 32 years ago, I was a pretty lost individual with a lot of emotional baggage that I had brought along with me to the relationship. I was encouraged by a friend of mine to ask her out for a date and I instantly knew she was way out of my league. This thoughtful, amazing and beautiful woman was crazy enough to accept a second date from me. If you would believe it or not, 18 months later she actually agreed to marry me. At the time I tried to give her an out but she wouldn’t accept it from me and I knew I had basically won the relationship lottery.
Joe and Michelle Bullock
Early on in our marriage I had a scare with testicular cancer. I had taken all the steps I needed at the time against this type of cancer. We waited patiently for weeks after I had a series of blood tests, an MRI scan and surgery. No cancer was found at the time but we had braced ourselves as we faced the idea of me having cancer and her becoming my caregiver. We had just recently stood in front of each other and we vowed to one another that we would support each other in sickness and health. I don’t think either one of us was expecting this challenge so soon in our marriage. She instantly calmed my nerves to the fact that wherever this road leads us we are on it together. This would be a running theme in our marriage and one I never doubted in our relationship.
The day I was diagnosed with Stage 3b colorectal cancer five years ago is when I realized the full strength of our marriage bond. We were both pretty shell shocked that day but we were instantly there for one another in this new fight. Trust me there were days I’m sure she just wanted to throttle me because I was probably the worst cancer patient on earth. She reassured me often enough that we entered this marriage for better or worse and that she would walk to the ends of the earth for me. I would do the same for her if the situation was reversed. I guess that’s what true love is all about and we are lucky to have it.
This month is my annual shout out to the many caregivers that care for the members of Man Up to Cancer’s Howling Place group. A few of our members wanted to write about these amazing relationships. Thank you to Byran Mingle, Jason Reiss, Phil Varckette, Danny Riggs, and Steven Westphal for sharing about their caregivers.
— Joe Bullock, lead administrator, Man Up to Cancer - The Howling Place (Also known as The Wolfpack)
Bryan Mingle and Nancy Rice
Byran Mingle
Jacksonville, Florida
Stage 3 rectal cancer
The caregiver story in my Stage 3 rectal cancer journey as a single man living alone is a collective one. Many relatives and friends in my life have shown up for me in many wonderful ways, but one stands out.
Nancy Rice, my supervisor in Jacksonville Beach, is a supportive force where we both work in the public health space of substance use and mental health recovery. She was there hours after I learned I had a malignant tumor inside me. On colonoscopy day she recognized I was in shock and continued with our plan to see Randy Rainbow at a downtown theater. We laughed together that night and stayed real and vulnerable throughout the ensuing days of surgery, chemo and the loss and trauma of it all.
It helps tremendously that she's a licensed mental health worker. But more than that, she's a person who knows what really counts in life. She checks in daily and reminds me that my health comes before work deliverables. She had my back in the office, covering a lot of my normal duties that allowed me to keep full-time benefits while working from home through treatment. She sent home my favorite foods, tennis shoes and sweat pants that fit. Visited with stories of cats and dogs we love, brought plants and anxiety workbooks, you name it.
Having a friend in your corner like Nancy is like having a sentinel to the wolf den at your door. A fierce protector and encouragement to be strong and true to yourself, she once was as a military contractor embedded in Iraq . Keep f**ing going comes natural to her. I am ever grateful to have Nancy in my life.
Jason and Becca Reiss
Jason and Rebecca Reiss
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Stage IV colorectal cancer
Hearing the words "you have cancer" made the world, at least in my case, fade out to black. Not literally, but figuratively. I couldn't focus, not at all. Not for weeks. Trying to find the words to ask the questions that needed to be asked at that time was virtually impossible for me as my mental state was far from good, or anything close to it.
As I settled into this new normal — I hate that term, but it's appropriate here — one thing came sharply into focus, and that was seeing how my wife Rebecca stood tall to advocate for me. From the very first doctor's appointment until today, she stands strong, so strong, and keeps our lives together while I deal with my disease.
No matter what.
If I need her, she's there. Even when I'm a giant sausage over something insignificant, she still does everything and more to make sure I have everything I need.
Not only does she take care of us, she's also a sister, an aunt, a dedicated middle school language teacher, mentor, and kitten rescuer among other pursuits. She's fostered more than 35 kittens—and a few mamas—over the last three years. I'm not sure where she finds the energy to deal with all of these external forces and still have enough to cook dinner every day and deal with my insanity too.
On those days when I am sad, she comforts me.
On those days when I am angry, she gives me the space I need to be that.
On those days when I am tired, she lets me rest.
On those days when I am needy, she fulfills my needs to the best of her ability.
On those days when I don't really know who I am or what I need, she supports me.
I'm not quite sure what I ever did to deserve her love and devotion, but every day, she offers it to me. I eagerly accept and am grateful for the opportunity to do so.
Phil and Janet Varckette
Phil and Janet Varckette
Pancreatic cancer stage 3
Ashtabula, Ohio
I was diagnosed on June 13, 2022, with Stage 3 pancreatic cancer.
My wife Janet was in the E.R. that day when the doctor gave us the bad news.
She has been my rock ever since I was diagnosed.
My cancer landed me in the hospital for a month and she only missed two days. We live an hour from the hospital. She only missed a couple of days once because of the weather I insisted she take a break.
She has physically taken care of me when I needed it and emotionally every day.
I love you Janet and thanks for being there with and for me and never complaining. I could not do it without her. Thank God for putting her with me.
Thank you
#KFG
Danny and Sarah Riggs
Danny and Sarah Riggs
League City, Texas
Stage 2B male breast cancer
My rock in all things became an absolute rock star during my cancer treatment. Not only did she continue her everyday tasks of being a Stay at Home Mom, she took over all of my usual chores, tended to my wounds, encouraged me through chemo, kept me well medicated and hydrated, and generally became my personal nurse. She pushed me to keep going when I didn't want to. She made me rest when I was pushing too hard.
Above all else, she loved me unconditionally. Did I mention that it was her idea for me to go see my doctor in the first place? I can truly say that if it had not been for her I probably would not have survived because I probably would not have found my cancer as early as we did.
Thanks to my wife Sarah for being my caretaker and life saver.
Steven and Cynthia Westphal
Steven and Cynthia Westphal
Filer, Idaho
Squamish cell carcinoma
I have to share my story with the pack about my lovely caregiver. She's my wife, partner in everything and my best friend. Cynthia has been with me throughout my whole cancer journey. We've been married for 34 years now. It hasn't been easy, nothing good ever is, but we're committed to each other and the saying till death do us part is where we're at.
Cynthia has taken care of me before I knew about my cancer. It was before Covid and she could actually stay with me in the hospital. She would come in at 10 a.m. and stay until 5 p.m. for 35 days. I couldn't talk so she made sure that the nurses and doctors had my best interest. When I was discharged from the Huntsman and sent to Promise hospice, where the care was quite different, she put the fear of God in the staff.
They thought that I was just another person who wasn't going to be around long. Wrong!! I was on a feeding tube for 2 years and 2 months and she helped me manage that along with a year of home health care. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here without her loving care for me.